Take Meth, Compulsively Pay for Sex...
By William Hicks |
All the hottest, richest names in tech attended an exclusive ping pong party to celebrate the birthday of Dropbox CEO Drew Houston (8/10) at Spin’s “Babes and Balls” party in San Fransisco.
Uber CEO Travis Kalanick (probably a 7/10) was there to blow off steam after being embroiled in scandal for the past few weeks. So was Mark Zuckerberg, a 6/10 but with a +3 modifier for being so rich and powerful.
The young, sexy elites played ping pong and drank expensive libations you probably can’t afford with Olympic table tennis champ Lily Zhang (9/10).
All was good and fun and rich and hot, until the much less good looking lower classes got wind of the party. The buzzkill poverts complained about everything from the “sexist” name to the tone deafness of Kalanick’s attendance considering the recent criticism of Uber’s handling of sexual harassment claims.
“CEOs of Uber, Dropbox, and Facebook at a ‘Babes and Balls’ party. Gee, I wonder why women feel unwelcome in tech?” tweeted Brian Noble, a 3/10, who’s only an assistant dean at the University of Michigan.
“Zuck and the Uber villain went to a shitty ping pong party called babes and balls so tech remains unchanged in 2017,” wrote the 4/10 owner of a humble San Fran noodle shop.
“Can’t see why this would look bad…” tweeted out-of-shape CNN tech writer Seth Fiegerman (5/10) with sarcasm (the only reprieve of commoners from the banality of their existence.)
“C’mon…. a ‘Babes and Balls’ party? @SiliconHBO couldn’t write a more on the nose, embarrassingly named bro-fest,” said 2/10 Tom Cook, a lowly infrastructure engineer.
I sincerely can’t fathom the grumpiness of the proletariat towards these men and women who create so much for society. Perhaps they should spend more time creating a social network used by BILLIONS or completely reinventing the way we travel before daring to criticize these hot GODS among men.